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Deviant for 13 Years
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Tell me something interesting.. something new
Tell me something interesting
Tell me something new
My heart started to beat so fast
     Almost like new
Finally quelling the longing to feel that (rush) again
Greedily taking it all in.
Running after LIFE;
     My feet have made prints on the pavement
     Trying so hard to chase those dreams again
          I can feel'em right on my fingertips
The taste of freedom; intoxicating
     A breath of fresh air for lungs alive on stale words.
Too long since I've felt this good.
     I almost forgot the taste of fine delicacy
Zooming through everything
     Nothing getting stuck and tangled in the wicked webs that are woven
But it's quite far from peachy.
     The cards aren't always dealt that way
          A luck of th
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 0 3
Almost a Battle
Walking out the door is almost a battle
Thrown in before you've had your first deep breath.
There are days where the sun is shining and things seem ok.
Even hope flickers that you'll have a good day.
But then as fast as it came it's gone again.
Too much hate
     From old souls that can't learn new tricks.
     Sprouts from the mouths of babies as green as grass.
You think you'll learn the trade.
Truth is you live from one moment to the next.
Each situation is different, there aren't two that are the same.
Always on guard with walls so high
     It's hard for the best of climbers to climb.
There's no more friendly words from strangers passing by.
     Just mistrust and backs arched up.
     Positioned for the attack and ready for the kill.
There are no more simple truths
Only of balls of lies
     Only the best don't get stuck
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 1 0
Topsy Turvy
In my world ----
     the topsy turvy world.
Where everything is "simply complicated"
Where I want things to be right and wrong.
While deep down, the rosy cheeked optimist is being picked on by the eye opened and guarded realist and the hardened and bitter pessimist.
Everything is complicated only because I make it so.
     I want what I want and I strive to get it.
The chase gives off a lovely high.
It gets my heart racing everytime.
But the thing is... I chase only the worthy.
     I can see it from only a glace and that's my cue.
          Time to go for it and make it mine.
               Sometimes it fairs well and sometimes not. But thats the risk I take.
All the others chase me.
     There might be something a few chapters in... Maybe?
What's that old saying
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 0 0
My favorite story
Every night I'm flippin' pages
     from a book I know all too well.
Like clock workm it never fails.
I know when it's time to get in to my once fairy tale.
Even if I tried, I could never forget it.
     My heart knows it all from beginning to end,
          pathetic ain't it?
I know every word on every page
    and with it, every picture from that year long day.
Together they set the stage
    for my poor heart's nightly suicide.
There are no alterations... no gloss overs or lies...
     Just truths... all my memories...
          the ones I cherish and even those I despise.
My favorite parts are saved -
     with a dog earred crease on the side
My favorite story
     I can see it play out again and again...
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 1 0
Blue by PainsBeauty Blue :iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 1 0
It's never 'just a dream'
Woke up startled and tangled in sheets.
There's only fast falling rain and racing heart for company to keep.
Could've sworn that... No... just a dream.
     It was so real.
Then again, nothing is as it seems.
Shivers down my spine;
     Remembering a touch unlike any other.
Bliss fit to burst;
     I could never separate between yours and mine.
And a racing heart;
     Beat so fast it almost hurt.
A voice I can't remember, but won't ever forget
Was the star of the movie playing in my head.
In it I got to hear words that my heart locked away
     when it got tired of crying, when it got to be too much to take.
Night after night
Dream after dream
The bliss and pain cancel(led) each other out.
But even if they didn't, I'd take it all again.
Wonder if this is ever reversed...
Are you ever the one that can't sleep?
Haunted by past-laden dreams.
Are they so real that y
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 1 0
Bleeding Heart
Tell me how it got this far...
     Where did I lose you?
     What went wrong?
     When did it all change?
A million and one questions run through my brain.
     It started as a trickle
          easily fixed
     But it turned into a flood
          too fast, so quick
My walls once strong and high
     to care of my ragged, stitched up heart.
Crumbled before you
     Poor soul, doomed from the start.
It was yours before I knew it.
There was no way to stop it.
Sweet words you spoke,
Promises you made,
Plans thought up
     Permanently inked, undying hope.
Poor thing
    never stood a chance.
At one time
     I had the world in the palm of my han
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 1 0
Once Upon A Time...
Once a upon a time ago
My world didn't make sense
Everything upside down.
Misery with a bit of everything dark and a dash of cold.
The skies were always gray, the clouds never knew of any color but black, and a constant fog that had a smell of depression it wouldn't take back.
Personal rain clouds for every day
Black cats at every crossing
Mirrors shattering left and right.
To awaken was such a tragedy
Every minute just as agonizing
With memories of broken promises
Thoughts of shattered hearts
And naïve day dreams of what we'd thought would be.
Each day had its up
But more so their downs.
Always reaching for what was never there.
Some thing I could only ever touch by the seams
Then fall on my face because it was too fast for me.
My heartbeats, a constant ache in my chest
Loss… inevitable
Pain … wounding
Failure … foretold
As I'd lay down to sleep
The closing of my eyes never brought those nice dreams.
Nightmares started as soon as the unconsciousness set in.
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 2 0
Scarlet Letter
Scarlet letter.
Etched in mind.
Carved into skin.
Burned into the heart.
Forever a haunting sin.
Never to fade.
A friendly reminder that's here to stay.
One little look started the spark
that caught fire.
A forbidden rush,
Never meant happen,
Kindled by that touch.
A quick looks,
Sly smiles,
Bite your lip
And make'm stare.
Leave heart's racing for awhile.
Slight guilt
Subtle convincings;
     It's ok. It's just fun.
     Just looking, won't even touch.
Heavy flirting
with the best intentions.
Toeing the line,
Moving it further
So it makes it ok.
Telling yourself you'll stop before it's too late.
Scarlet letter.
Etched in mind.
Carved into skin.
Burned into the heart.
Forever a haunting sin.
Never to fade.
A friendly reminder that's here to stay.
On the edge.
Took that dive.
Once it's done,
You can't take it it back.
Hope it was worth it.
kicked in a little too late.
What's in the dark comes to light.
Eating at you.
Your love'
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 1 0
Look at where we are now...
Look at where we are now,
how time has flown by.
Seems like it's been ages
and no time at all.
Your hand in mine;
such an innocent gesture gives me a rush
that's never ending.
That look in your eyes;
full of some kind of wonder and awe.
The happiness brought;
almost overwhelming.
This feeling;
a familiar mystery.
Too much to keep bottled up inside.
So it subtley escapes and turns into
that beautiful glow thats worn with pride.
Look at where we are now,
how time has flown by.
Seems like it's been ages
and no time at all.
A rocky beginning
with much trying and doubt.
Didn't know what would happen tomorrow
let alone if months would come about.
Was always kept at an arm's length.
Never too close.
One step forward
was an automatic three steps back.
But giving up was never an option.
Your eyes spoke volumes of things you'd never say.
It gave me hope that maybe it would all work out okay.
Living for the moment,
putting off the future.
Letting it all go
to enjoy what I could.
Putting all other
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 2 2
The Forever Kind
I used to stick out my arm for a hand to hold...
And all I had was air for my hand to wrap around...
With it came a sinking feeling
where my heart was so low
I thought it'd never rise
Constant longing for what I thought I'd never find.
Forever left behind
in a world speeding on by...
A sad sight to see...
When a strong, beautiful women cries.
I stick out my arm for a hand to hold...
And I feel his fingers intertwine with mine...
The sinking feeling is gone
like it was never there.
My heart's on high.
It's beating so fast
no point in taking it slow.
Not longer left behind.
I've got someone to call my own this time.
I used to trace my lips
softly with my fingertips.
Missing the feeling of someone's kiss.
The heat of passion missing
created a void I thought I'd never fill.
Now his kiss stirs and quells
the fire beneath my breast.
It causes a sudden rush
of carnal need.
Mixed with love so strong
that it has to be meant for me.
He's an addiction of mine.
Everyday without, brings a craving j
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 1 0
When you take my hand
you don't just hold it.
Those fingers of yours don't just
intertwine with mine.
They hold me down from floating away
Reminding me that you're my reason to stay.
Coming down slowly, flying up high
You do this to me everytime.
When those lips touch mine
I do more than melt.
Flustered skin, heavy breathing,
Timid touch, and passion seething.
Your lips press against mine
and burn themselves there.
I can feel your touch even when you're gone.
I can see a subtle print if I just sit back and stare.
Don't you just love the taste
of cold metal and burning need?
It's more than what I thought it was.
A constant hunger that I can't even start to feed.
My mind is spinning
My heart is racing.
Thoughts so blissful.
Yearning so new
You had my heart before I knew it was for the taking.
I have everything I ever wanted in you.
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 3 11
Is it too much to ask for...?
Is it too much to ask for…
A kiss when the nights are too lonely?
Something to warm the heart and make it pace…
Saturated with desire and caring…
Something that leads to a pair of arms wrapped to hold me…
There are nights when my lips are cold…
When I’m destitute and alone.
You’re no where near
And I begin to think…
To reminisce…
Of lovely moments between the two of us.
I can feel my heart race… and my lips tingle…
Then I remember you’re not here… I’m all alone…
Though I know it won’t last long… I miss you.
Is it too much to ask for…
A look that speaks more that words could ever dare?
Where there are butterflies beating their wings so fast that it almost hurts…
That make every breath a slow shaky intake
Where I can’t help smile because I have you right where I want you…
You’re guarded eyes let little tidbits slip…
They sparkle when you try to tame.
They make me grin becaus
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 2 3
Familiar Stranger
Hey there familiar stranger.
I think I somehow know you.
Constant subtle mystery with a ruined ending.
Every look and every touch
scream familiarity with a hint of something new.
Unrecognizable actions
With deeply trenched memories.
Those looks of yours tell me things I already know
But still catch me off guard.
In that stomach punching kind of surprise.
Where did you go?
When did I lose you?
Did I even have enough to keep you?
There are no more expected surprises
Or open secrets that leave me speechless
From that an oddly calmed madness.
Hey there familiar stranger.
I think I somehow know you.
Constant subtle mystery with a ruined ending.
That constant sense of déjà vu.
Never had it before till I looked at you.
That smile that comes before that action I’ve never seen.
You’re touch gives me something that has never always shivered down my spine.
Hopeful wishes that make me wish I never wanted you.
I can remember a forgotten memory
That was never ours.
I can remember
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 3 2
Shining Light
Shining light.
Wonderfully lit
Beautifully bright.
So much desire to posess.
Temptation teasing patience.
Loving everything it does best.
One step forward
can crack an already broken foundation.
Fuel for a fire passionately burning,
composed of determination.
Take one look at what's already there:
Wall...s... held up so high and so strong.
They cast shadows so long and wide.
     Surrounded by darkness with no break in sight.
     All around that beautiful light.
Illusions that portray happiness
though everything is hollow.
So much more that create an abundance of...
     false leads, dead hope, and worst of all drenched in cynical taste.
That bright shining light is a hopeful gazer's bait.
But if one gets close.... is that light still as pretty... still as alluring... or even as bright?
So many obstacles...
Too much time...
Any other wouldn't waste such effort.
So what about mine?
Before I even take one step ah
:iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 2 0
Slightly Out of Line by PainsBeauty Slightly Out of Line :iconpainsbeauty:PainsBeauty 1 0


love by km14t love :iconkm14t:km14t 2,540 207
Mature content
when you make her a woman. :iconthe-fourteenth-world:the-fourteenth-world 3 1
Wake Me Up
Wake Me Up
Apparently Im Not Breathing Anymore
Wake Me Up
Apparently Im Not So Sane
Apparently Common Since Is Not All That Common, Do You Care To Comment,
On The Things We Each Represent?
Wake Me Up
And Show Me The Difference...
Between Love And Pain
Just Take My Hand,
Pull Me Out Of The Darkness
Show Me The Way To The World You Live In
Where We Can Be Free,
And I can Be Free...
Wake Me Up To The World You Made For Me In Your Arms...
:iconnannadoodles:NannaDoodles 3 8
Dear You
Dear You,
   I guess that it's true
that you never stop loving those that you've loved.
I guess that it could just be me though.
And I guess that I know that you
won't be the last woman
to make my heartbeat go
a million miles.
But I know now, looking back
that you were good for me, good
to me... in ways that I didn't understand.
You looked at me and I was beautiful
said you loved me and you meant it
with every piece of your heart.
But the problem was that we were
kids, running around, breaking skin.
And I didn't know that my skin wasn't so tough.
We played hide and seek with responsibility
and reality and who we had to be, to become.
And I got scared of the shadows and scared of
just what would happen when I caught up with me.
I wanted to be, to do so much...
and I wanted to be with you.
But I guess that I thought I could only have one
and maybe that was true.
I can try to justify what I did
but it'd only be words: hollow, hard.
For the longest time, all I felt was hurt.
:iconfindxme:findxme 3 2
never, ever
So you would say
Opposites attract; or so I'm told
Me, determined to believe
That what you see is never, ever
What you get
And you, dearest, eyes
Clenched tight, desperate
Not to look for a second
Lest appearances deceive you;
Because seeing is believing
These quiet hours when I am
Not too tired to appreciate
The night time;
When I used to touch you
In secrets; and try
My utmost to entice your
Sick desire for self-molestation
Towards the thrill of being safe
And the risk of loving me in
Impossible spaces
You gave me a little while
To find you; we smoked
The sound of sirens and
Drank to prophecy fulfilled
I drowned each drop, feeling
Friendly fire course in my throat
Waiting, just waiting.
For you.
:iconthe-fourteenth-world:the-fourteenth-world 4 13
Broken Vows by PaintedOnMySoul Broken Vows :iconpaintedonmysoul:PaintedOnMySoul 565 274 she likes vines by the-fourteenth-world she likes vines :iconthe-fourteenth-world:the-fourteenth-world 3 1 Bottle of Love by xeena-dragonkizz Bottle of Love :iconxeena-dragonkizz:xeena-dragonkizz 145 95 Smother me by april182 Smother me :iconapril182:april182 5,286 689 Lady Luck by PaintedOnMySoul Lady Luck :iconpaintedonmysoul:PaintedOnMySoul 190 133
You said you had too many secrets
That this was one more complication
A line in a book filled with the
Blackest inks and darkest phrases
But I know I am good for you.
Its alright. Thus is the gap between fact
And fiction, fire and fate; words and
Worlds we cannot reconcile, but cannot leave,
Neglecting the brush of skin
On skin, because fingers are fingers
And touch does not lie
And that scares us both.
Your smirk that flicks like a switchblade
And hides that lover’s look
Behind your eyes for
Me and me alone
Because you are safe in
Rooms full of eyes and you know
That I cannot touch you there, and
These quick glances and two sentences
Of conversation a day are all
You give me to live off.
I would smash my fist through
Windowpanes, serenade you
With a voice that cracks like pavement
In sirensongs and prophecies fulfilled
Before I would let you believe that this
Has to end, here, now, while we are
Together in space, together in time
But you are half-requited and
Untouchable still.
:iconthe-fourteenth-world:the-fourteenth-world 9 10
I flirted with disaster.
She gave me her number, and a look that said
“Write this down.”
Caught up in a
Whirlwind romance
In a quake that shook the stars
from the sky
(like apples, torn from
someone else’s tree)
and buried them
in her hair.
Caught in the throes
Of some ultraviolet catastrophe.
That beautiful girl
Chainsmoking dreams.
I managed
Small triumphs.
She let me console her.
Once or twice.
I held her
close enough to hear her
hot breath. And feel her
Gasp. Chest to chest as my hand
slid down her back.
We hid behind
stolen thunder
and borrowed clouds from
back-alley dealers of mist and illusion.
One kiss. Filled with silent light
and three encounters
in darkened hours
of quiet days.
And the danger in her eyes
when she knew
all i wanted was to shatter
her addiction
smash her storms to cloudshapes
and harmless smithereens
to tear her pain away, so hard
It broke us both.
Because I cared for her
more than she could handle
and loved her
more than she could take.
So she
:iconthe-fourteenth-world:the-fourteenth-world 15 19
bad blood
I fell in love with
The sadist in you,
I craved your cruelty
Like a bitter pill where
The high was the comedown
And I begged you to
Break me just to
Get my fix
You were the pulse
That throbbed through me
That robbed me of my senses
And took my breath away,
Coursing through my chest
Arterial and untamed,
Primal, artificial,
Natural, like bad blood
You intrigued me like a fever,
A fire, a fervour I had only known once.
I lived for wild nights of
Tender lovelessness,
Shadows of caresses in cold corridors
Where you would not let me
Near you at all
I lived for drunk dials, hearing you
High as a coloured kite,
Drug-fucked and desperate
For me to ground you,
Waiting for the morning
So you could walk out and
With carefully chosen words,
Precise and surgical, quietly violent,
And slam me like a door.
:iconthe-fourteenth-world:the-fourteenth-world 8 12
Bad Habit
Nobody likes to hear that…
The sort of thing that…
That makes our skin crawl
It’s all we can do to treat ourselves,
Doses of pleasure mixed with pain
It isn’t anything new;
A daily occurrence
We’re medicated, see?
Sure, it could be seen as
Indecent, immoral,
Emotionally unhealthy
It’s a want to touch,
A want to be touched,
A want to be known,
To be loved…
Giving a lot,
And wanting so much more
We aren’t “whores”,
We’re only human;
Humans have habits.
“Whoring is a habit,”
Humans have a habit,
Hypocrisy and victimization
Make it sound like anything
To escape, you’re embarrassed
Clean and dress yourself up
What is said is said,
What is said can be everything
Everything you don’t want to hear
Humans have a habit,
Hypocrisy and victimization
:iconniji-no-amai:Niji-no-Amai 5 4


I'm back. I know it's been years but my mind has been lost and my muse was no where to be found. Ever have those slumps where nothing comes from the paint, photo shop art, poetry, and stories. I was lost. My sense of self was gone.

But I am here now and that dead weight is gone. I have new priorities and a new look on life. It's not been easy but I am here and making it. I want to start writing again. I miss it, I love it.

Love me, Hate me, and yet somehow you always miss me.

  • Watching: The First Wives Club


Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Im just me. Random, predictable, loud, super quiet, stubborn, and flexible. I'm a *Walking Contradiction*

Current Residence: AR
Favourite genre of music: Anything and everything.
Personal Quote: You'll never know the effect you have on me. I'll never know the effect I have on you.


Add a Comment:
PaintedOnMySoul Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2016
:party:  Just dropping by to wish you a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY   :party:
:hug:     :airborne:
CircularCubes Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2010
Thank you very much for the fav. :]
findxme Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2010
Thank you for the Favorite.
SHARIKAYE Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2009   General Artist
Appreciate the watch n support very appreciated means alot!:huggle:
PainsBeauty Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem, love. I love supporting great artists and their work. <3
SHARIKAYE Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2009   General Artist
Me to I love My DA Family of artists and always finding new ones!The art here awesome!:love::hug:
another comment to say cheers for the fav on the pic... thats actually me but dont tell anyone and they wont know ey :P thanks for your support!
the-fourteenth-world Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2009
thanks for the fav! keep up the lovely writing.
PainsBeauty Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww no prob! How are you?!
hey im alright thanks, how are you?
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